Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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