and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Blood and glitter go together right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
