I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
