Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
