I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
