My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
