Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
