one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
