Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides