What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,