Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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