So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
