y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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