You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
