and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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