sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
