I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
