This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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