I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
