took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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