How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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