yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We left the knife in your bed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
