My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
