i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.