Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3