she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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