I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
