I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
