is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
