I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
