I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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