how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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