Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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