I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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