i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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