So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
