I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
