You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
