Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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