I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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