Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
