I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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