I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
