drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
