Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
