i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
