Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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