A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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