His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
