But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize