I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
