we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
