Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
