There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
