I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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