She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
