As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I understand Curling. That high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
