I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
