i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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