I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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