They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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