you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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