idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
