Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jerry, you need to find god
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
