I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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