Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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