I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
